How Seeking Validation Can Mess with Your Deep Connections
The Real Talk on Insecurity and Its Sneaky Impact on Building Meaningful Bonds
Alright, let's get real about something that messes with our mojo when it comes to building those deep connections: insecurity. We all deal with it, but for some folks, it's like an uninvited guest that just won't leave. And here's the kicker – it's messing with their ability to create those authentic, kickass relationships. So, let's get into how the constant need for validation is keeping them insecure and lonely af.
Related: 10 Signs It’s Time To Let Your Friend Go
The Insecurity Struggle:
Picture this: you're trying to build something real with someone, but your inner doubts are playing like background music. The more you invest the louder the music gets.
“What do they even like about me?”
“Don’t get comfortable because this won’t last.”
“Stop being needy or they’re going to leave.”
They want to connect so try hard. Yet, they’re so focused on trying that they’re not connecting with you. That's the insecurity conundrum.
“If you’ve been burned by a friend or relationship with an insecure person, trust me, you’re not the problem.”
Chasing Validation: The Quick Fix That Never Fixes:
You know that feeling when someone gives you a compliment, and suddenly, life is great? Yeah, it's a mood booster, but for those grappling with insecurity, it's like a bandaid on a bigger wound. The validation high doesn’t last, leaving them on a perpetual quest for that feel-good moment.
The people around them are tools to affirm what they want to believe about themselves.
The problem lies in that you’re a real person. You will undoubtedly have a bad day or need to prioritize your own needs at one point or another. You will get upset or question an interaction. Shit happens.
When you’re dealing with an insecure, toxic, or narcissistic person–you are their supply.
Related: The Challenge Of Asking For Help
The Co-dependency Drama:
Seeking validation becomes a bit like an addiction. The more you get, the more you want. It's a dependency that can mess with your relationships because suddenly, the need for validation is overshadowing the real stuff – like genuine connection and understanding.
If the validation you provide becomes tainted by questions or boundaries, they will move on to the next high.
No Vulnerability Zone:
Deep connections require some vulnerability, right? Well, insecurity puts up a "no vulnerability allowed" sign. Fear of judgment or rejection makes it tough to open up, and the constant validation dance becomes a shield against getting too real.
Although, quite often it’s about you getting too real. They aren’t there to reciprocate in a meaningful way. Usually, their efforts to meet your needs is actually an attempt to elevate their own image.
SurfaceLevel Vibes vs. RealDeal Bonds:
Sure, they can be the life of the party and have tons of acquaintances. But when it comes to those authentic, ride-or-die bonds, insecurity is a buzzkill. Superficial connections might come easy, but they lack the emotional depth that real relationships thrive on.
The feeling of being loved is always fleeting—you will never be able to do enough.
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Breaking Free: How to Kick Insecurity to the Curb:
Breaking the validation cycle starts with acknowledging the insecurity. It's about digging deep, showing yourself some love, and maybe seeking a little professional guidance (therapy, anyone?) to kick those insecurities to the curb.
If you have a history of forming relationships with insecure people, it’s time to look within yourself and figure out why that may be. You’re never going to change them, but you’re making choices that put you in their proximity. It’s time to ask why that may be the case.
Self-Love Revolution:
Building killer connections starts with loving and accepting yourself. When we try to fill that void in others, we’re setting ourselves up for a letdown. We may be denying our own vulnerability by not setting clear boundaries or expecting reciprocity from these insecure or toxic people.
That's the key to real, no-nonsense connections–reciprocity.
Insecurity can be a tricky little troublemaker, especially when it comes to forming authentic bonds. But here's the deal – understanding the game it plays and taking charge of your self-worth can flip the script. Break free from the validation trap, embrace your awesome self, and watch those connections flourish. Because, in the end, the realest bonds are built on self-love and the unapologetic acceptance of your worth.
