Tips For Work-Life Balance In Your Relationship
Each time I get asked about tips for work-life balance, I feel my imposter syndrome kick into high gear. When I worked a traditional 9-5, the last thing I had was a work-life balance. I gave my job my all, and that's where I made a mistake. I was burnt out and miserable. Too exhausted to be effective at work or in my personal relationships, I felt like a failure. Since then, I've learned some tips for a better work-life balance that will spare you a lot of time and heartache.
Why is work-life balance important?
Not surprisingly, one study found that workplaces that are increasingly demanding your time can negatively impact your well-being. "Employees who had supervisors expecting them to respond to work messages after work, compared to groups who did not, reported higher levels of psychological distress (70.4% compared to 45.2%)."
I personally experienced fatigue, stress, anxiety, poor sleep habits, weight gain, and depression. It wasn't until I took a step back to look at the bigger picture that I felt equipped to change my life and reprioritize myself. There are tangible steps to manage a demanding job and its impact on your and your loved ones.
Do What You Love
I can feel your eyes rolling now. I get it—we don't all have the luxury of doing what we love. That's true. Still, if you're at a job that is actively causing you stress and anxiety on top of not feeling valued, you need to consider leaving or setting boundaries at work.
Contrary to how you may feel at the moment, not all workplaces will be the same. Some companies do try to put their employees' well-being first. Perhaps, you just need a different supervisor to bring out the best in you. Also, if you can afford it, a pay cut is worth your peace of mind. The point is that sometimes the grass is greener on the other side. Do your research and speak with your partner while considering all of your options.
Top Three Things
When I spoke with Kristie Holden, a marketing consultant, about managing her own business with her relationship of ten years, she advised: "You won't get it all done, so focus on what's most important."
If you're dealing with a never-ending to-do list, chances are that you're going to lose steam long before you've crossed the last item off. There will ALWAYS be more to do.
Instead, Holden suggests you focus on the top three things you need to get done. This is a way of creating boundaries with yourself to maximize your time. The same can be said for how you manage your relationship.
If you and your partner both have busy careers, you have to be proactive and take the time to reconnect. Get on the same page about how much time you need together and what you will each do to hold up your end of the bargain. It's not feasible that your partner will be available the second you need them, but you can both be mindful of the amount and quality of the time you spend together.
Transition Activity
Leave work at work! After you've spent the day being professional, you may have a lot of pent-up energy. Finally, you're able to say what you're thinking without the risk of being fired. Unfortunately, the people most likely on the receiving end of that are your partner or family.
This is why you need a minute to decompress from the events of the day and let go of any lingering negativity. If you have a long commute, use the time to listen to music, podcasts, or whatever gets you in a better headspace. If you have a shorter commute, let your partner know you just need a moment to shower, go for a walk, or sit in silence before you can jump into home life. Figure out a transition activity that takes you out of your work headspace and into your home life.
Be Considerate of Their Mental State
You ever show up to work and have five issues coming at you the moment you step through the door? It completely changes your energy and frequently sets the tone for the day.
Consider where your partner is emotionally and mentally before go home and immediately start venting about your day. If they've had a difficult day themselves, they're not in the position to process and respond effectively. In fact, the issues that had nothing to do with your relationship can suddenly trigger an argument about how inconsiderate it was that you didn't refill the toilet paper. Setting the tone for the rest of the night, our good friend—tension.
So, if you really want to seek comfort in them, Health and Wellness coach, Heidi Radko, suggests asking your partner if they are in a space to hear you out. This simple step will quickly let you know if it's a good time. Bonus brownie points from your partner because you've considered their feelings even in your heightened emotional state.
Prioritize Yourself Over Work
When there are dozens of tasks in need of your attention, the last thing you're thinking about is taking care of yourself. You either prioritize what needs to get done, or you're so overwhelmed that you disengaged altogether. Disengaging may feel like you're resting, but you're actually neglecting yourself and your partner.
The best way to take care of yourself is to replenish what's depleted. Your body may be craving things like exercise, nutritious food, laughter, or sex. I know, no one wants to cook when you can get takeout and plop down in front of the t.v. Yet, by spending your weekend "recuperating" by vegging out, you're only further reinforcing the idea that all you do is work.
Everything that you hold dear at that point gets whatever is left, especially you.
Ask For Help
Communication is the cornerstone to getting what you need. At work or at home, you can't hold others accountable for what you don't communicate. Your partner wants to help you because they love you, but they don't always know how to assist you. Honestly, maybe you don't even know what to ask for. That sometimes happens when you're overwhelmed.
Wendy Pu, a Business and NLP mindset coach, recommends asking for help. "You can always ask for what you need. More commonly, you feel you shouldn't." To do this, Pu recommends examining what you feel vs. what happened. Usually, the facts of what happened can be colored by what you felt at that moment. So, she suggests you communicate what they said and what you interpreted. This will allow your partner to clarify what they actually meant without giving things time to fester and cause more damage in the long run.
“The key is not to prioritize what’s on your schedule but to schedule your priorities.”
