How To Start a Dating App Conversation
Is it me, or is dating getting more challenging every year? I don't know about you, but my clients and I have realized that the number of people they have to interact with regularly has dramatically decreased long before the pandemic started. Technology has long been eliminating our need to go outside. So, it's not surprising that online dating has become a standard over the years. According to a 2020 study, "30% of U.S. adults say they have used a dating site or app." Yet, starting a dating app conversation remains one of the most socially awkward ways to meet people.
Why online dating sucks?
Listen, we know that online dating is about as much fun as leg day at the gym. By design, the process can feel unnatural, mainly because there's no buffer. When you're out in the world, at least you have the aid of your environment to give you something to talk about. Don't ever underestimate the bonding power of people watching, but I digress.
At the opposite end of that spectrum, reading someone's bio can give you the false sense that you know them longer or better than you actually do. According to eharmony, 53% of people (men and women) lie on their profiles to either seem more attractive or more successful. The amount of misrepresentation that goes on in the dating world is stressful and leads to dating burnout.
While the sheer number of people you can encounter is one of the benefits of dating online, that's also one of the most draining aspects. Imagine going on what feels like a never-ending speed dating round for months on end. Eventually, the process feels more like a job interview than getting to know someone. You're over being asked the same questions over and over, and I'm sure they are too. It can be tedious and time consuming if you’re not equipped with the right profile and some strategies to get the conversation flowing.
So, how do you start a dating app conversation?
Start with what you know about them, especially the things you have in common. This is going to help you both feel like you can instantly relate to one another. That comfort is essential when you start digging a little deeper to learn more about each other. Remember, creating intimacy is multidimensional and takes time to build.
Use what's important to you as a tool to start the conversations that matter. Not all topics will need to be centered around your deal breakers. Start with casual topics (i.e. vacations, movies, music, pets) and eventually get into your core values around marriage, family, politics, religion, etc.
Don't be afraid to bring up debatable but not polarizing topics. Maybe you will both end up on the same side, or perhaps you'll find out how they deal with "conflict."
Keep the conversation flowing with these questions:
Do men gossip more than women?
Would you rather go on a vacation that's thoroughly planned out or just go with the flow?
Is music getting worse over time?
How would you spend your time if you knew the earth was getting wiped out in a year?
Avoid Asking
Don't ask rapid-fire questions because it conveys that you're more interested in what you're asking than what they are saying. If you're going to ask a question, give them the courtesy of answering the question as well. This will be a great way to avoid asking questions that you wouldn't be comfortable answering yourself.
Don’t ask about why they’re single. Starting a conversation with a reminder of the last person they were with sets the tone for their interaction with you. Negative emotions can still come up for them even if they’re completely over the last person they were with. You want the attention on you, so don’t distract them with a recap of their failed relationships.
Don’t ask about their income. You’re looking for a relationship, not a sponsor.
Avoid asking them out unless you’ve FaceTimed. This is the one piece of advice I give my clients over and over. Chemistry via text and face-to-face will not necessarily be the same. Make sure they are the person they are portraying on their profile before going through the effort of getting dressed and going somewhere.
