How To Get Over Sexual Anxiety
Is sexual confidence all about acrobatic skills or model aesthetics? That's what Hollywood and co want you to think. While plenty of media outlets cover how to "wow" your sexual partners when the lights are down low, many articles miss the point of the self-work required. You're left feeling more concerned because you're not tackling the problem holistically. To get over your sexual anxiety, you need to address the body and mind.
It's time to take a closer look at how you can engage with yourself and your partner intimately and confidently.
Understand Your Needs
Sexual desire is either spontaneous or responsive. Traditionally, we are more likely to associate spontaneous sexual desire with men and responsible sexual desire with women. Let's move away from the gender binary for a second and just focus on understanding what your needs are.
Do you need to feel a mental desire to get in the mood, or does friskiness just overcome you? Experiment on your own to gain confidence with a partner. The better you know yourself, the more equipped you'll be to communicate your needs.
Communication is Lubrication
A big thank you to Dr. Emily Morse for that piece of information.
Great, you understand your sexual needs now, but you still have no idea what your partner wants. Rather than going down a Google rabbit hole of "What Men/Women Want in Bed." Ask them. Ask them what they like and what they dislike. When you feel like the evening might end amorously, be frank and say you appreciate honest conversations about desire.
Not being in the dark about their desires is an instant confidence boost.
Manage Your Anger or Stress
Is work making you feel like you're going to explode with stress or anger? That's not a recipe for sexual desire or confidence.
Exercise: even if it's just a quick walk around the block, getting some fresh air and moving your body will make you feel in contact with your body and your sensuality.
Counseling: If anger or stress persists, don't shy away from professional help.
Write it out: You don't need to be the next great novelist to write out your feelings. Watch how your confidence increases as you get rid of those pent-up emotions.
Focus Away from What's in Your Underwear
Has your sexual confidence taken a hit due to a bad experience? Perhaps your partner made a comment that made you feel uncomfortable. The best two-prong approach to this is the before-mentioned communication. Trust us, if you have a genuine connection with someone, they are in it for more than just the sex. Be honest about your worries.
Allow your partner to put your mind at ease and remind you why they care about you in the first place.
Then, play by "swimsuit" rules and touch each other sensually before going for the genitals. An "everything but" where you take intercourse off the table and just focus on all the different ways you can please one another does a lot to seduce your partner. You'll practically have them panting to get all of you.
You will eventually have sex, but that's not the goal. The goal is to seduce. Use three to four strategies to tease your partner and prepare them to get hot and heavy.
Turn the Lights Down Low
Confidence doesn't have to mean having sex with sterile lights on top of the covers. The last step after all that inner work, put on something you feel good in, whether that's a flowing nightgown or a well-fitting pair of boxers. Switch to warm lighting. Do what you need to do to feel confident and sexy with yourself first.
Sex is not just the physical activity at the moment–it's all the things that allow for the most pleasurable experience for both of you.
Working together as a team to run the household makes you less likely to be too tired.
Kissing and touching in flirtatious ways regularly, not just when one of you wants sex
Meeting each other's emotional needs to feel connected and valued
Do you still feel like you could use an individualized helping hand to gain confidence? I created Regroop to help people make better connections with themselves on others. We can work together to create an action plan that allows you to manifest the intimate life of your dreams.
