Get Over A Breakup Faster
Remember when you were a little kid playing at the beach, and you would spend hours building the most perfect sandcastle, only to watch the older kids knock it down an hour later? That’s kind of the feeling of walking away from a serious romantic relationship.
It’s working so hard, for so long, to build something so beautiful with someone, and then, in a flash, watching it completely crumble before your eyes. We’re here to help you kickstart the healing and get over a breakup faster.
But honestly, it sucks.
Breakups suck. They bite. They blow. They *insert every other negative verb*. There’s no easy way around it: breakups are a dumpster fire.
Still, while breakups feel completely disorienting, gut-wrenching, and like you’re never going to get over it — walking away from a relationship just means it's time to make a new plan.
Because you are going to get over this. You are going to mend the pieces of your broken heart. You’re going to love again. And ultimately, you’re going to thrive your way through the hell of healing from heartbreak. And I’m going to help you.
Breakup Stages
Just as every relationship is different — every breakup is different. Your healing process is going to be completely your own. That’s really great that your best friend Lisa got over her breakup in a week. It’s awesome that your cousin’s boyfriend’s personal trainer paid $800 for FaceTime reiki and felt better in a day. You are you. Take the time you need to heal. If you try to rush yourself or force yourself to get over things — you’ll end up causing more stress and trouble down the road.
In a 2015 study from Stanford University called, Changes in Self-Definition Impede Recovery From Rejection, the majority of participants cited that a breakup made them change the way they saw themselves. If your breakup is making you question your life choices or feel unsure about the future, comparing yourself to others or shaming yourself is the last thing you need. Take your time as you feel your feelings. Make your healing your own. And when you’re ready to heal, lean into these stages to get over a breakup faster, but at your own pace.
STAGE 1: Debbie Downer Meets Marie Kondo
The first days after a breakup are tough. Maybe you’re eating ice cream in the bathtub. Maybe you’re struggling to eat or shower. Maybe you’ve been in bed the whole time. Whatever you’re feeling is okay.
Take time to grieve. Don't judge yourself for having an extra glass (bottle) of wine or cup (carton) of ice cream. Don’t force yourself to be happy. You can look at old pictures and cry. You can reread your old texts and wonder what went wrong. You can call your friends and cry to them for hours.
When you’re feeling ready to get out of bed (and not crying to Adele 24-7): take a deep breath, and step into your fresh start. Gather your ex’s belongings — their toothbrush, the clothes they always left on the floor, the book they gave you for your birthday — don’t think, just pack.
Don’t overthink every little momento and sentimental object, pick it all up and put it all out of sight. Take it room by room.
Once you’ve packed up all traces of your ex, try rearranging and redesigning. Make your space look different. Move the furniture around. Hang that picture you always wanted to. Reorganize your bookshelf.
If you can, invest in a few house upgrades. Get those pillow shams that have been in your Etsy cart for a year. Order that vintage desk. Make your living space feel like you. Surround yourself with things that bring you joy and get everything else out of your sight.
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STAGE 2: Walk It Off & Talk It Out
I get it, you want to watch bad TV and cry in bed all day. And honestly, it's good to do that for a few days. But after a while, it’s time to move your body. I promise you’ll feel better. Take a walk around your neighborhood. Do a yoga class. Go swimming. Dance in the living room to your favorite music. Exercise has been proven to help with your mental health and breaking a sweat will help you feel better about breaking it off with your ex.
If you’ve been talking with friends and family, you may already know the importance of feeling socially supported. Fill your calendar with events and plans. Take your sister out to a fancy dinner. Go to that new bar you wanted to try. Remember how loved you are and how full your life is — even when you’re single.
And when you find yourself with a night alone or with no plans — pamper yourself. Get that haircut or facial. Do something that makes you feel good. Treat yourself to something. Write down all the reasons you love yourself. Leave inspirational post-it notes on your mirrors and around your house so you’ll see them throughout the day.
STAGE 3: Do Not Disturb
According to a recent poll of Your Tango readers, 86% of readers reported still looking at photos of their exes with 74% reporting looking up exes online. Though we live in a digital-everything era, being bombarded with your ex’s social media will make it impossible to ever move forward.
It’s up to you.
Don't check your ex’s social media accounts. Mute them. Block them. Drop your phone in a pot of tomato sauce so you don’t look at it. (Don’t do that.)
Remember that your healing is yours. You don’t need to compare yourself to your ex, to see who is “winning” the breakup or “over it” more. If your ex is posting about being out on the town or dating new people immediately after — that says more about them than it does about you.
A social media detox is the best time to turn your focus entirely onto yourself. Think about the things that will help you grow. Find your own progress. Is it a dance class? Learning a new language? Starting that side hustle? Is it making more time for your family? Going on a trip? Think of the direction you want you life to go in and take it there. You’re in complete control.
STAGE 4: Up, Up, & Away
As you start to get your home in order, you have your new routines, you’re learning things about yourself, and feeling supported by friends and family — plan something that you can look forward to in the coming months. A solo trip. Seeing your favorite band in concert. Taking a sick day from work and going to the farmer’s market. It doesn't have to break the bank, but make sure it’s something special. Having something to look forward to will help you keep your focus on what makes you happy.
In the meantime, try something — anything — that’s out of your comfort zone. Take a boxing class. Go for that promotion at work. Sign up to perform at an open-mic night. You don’t have to be totally reckless or completely irresponsible, but try something that pumps your adrenaline a little bit. Remind yourself how strong and brave you are. Remind yourself that you’re going to get through this — because you already are.
