Are you moving too fast in relationships?
Doesn't dating feel like one giant fruit snack challenge for adults? You meet someone new, and you're smitten. A few weeks in, you're imagining what your life together will be like as Ed Sheeran plays in the background. Listen, even if you're the practical type, you can lose perspective on what's reasonable for you when you meet someone you're interested in. Let's figure out if you are moving too fast in relationships.
There are no prescribed timelines that will guarantee a relationship to work. Everyone is different, and a relationship is unique to the people involved. There is a period of getting to know one another essential to determine if you're compatible. If you don't give yourself time to determine if someone is suitable for you, your relationship could be doomed before it gets started.
So, how do you know if your relationship is moving too fast?
You're Losing Yourself In The Relationship
When you meet someone, it's easy to want to spend all of your time together. You prioritize your relationship at the expense of your friends, family, career, self-care, or hobbies. The problem with making these types of compromises is that you risk letting go of what attracted them in the first place. They are with you in the first place because there was something about you or your life that made them want to be a part of it. You need to strike a balance between staying involved in the things that make you who you are while adding the things that make you a couple.
That's why so many relationships fall into a rut. People compromise their own needs and interests until it's difficult to determine their individuality. You quickly run out of things to talk about when you're experiencing everything together at the same time.
Another damning consequence of losing yourself in a relationship is putting your own needs last. If you are compromising your needs for the sake of your partner, there's a deeper issue at play. You conduct your relationship out of fear that they will leave unless they get their way. When you mold yourself into what you think the other person wants, you force your personality to fade. Your efforts can have an adverse effect where your partner forgets why they were attracted to you.
Not Giving Each Other Space
A relationship is stifling when you don't have the room to explore your interests and grow as a person. In the beginning, it's great to be in contact constantly. Falling in love is a chemical high, and you feel like you're addicted to your partner. Eventually, that routine gets old, and you feel trapped.
If this sounds familiar, it's a sign that you're probably moving too fast and need to pace yourself. It's best to set the boundary from the start by continuing to do the things that make you who you are.
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Sex Without Talking
Sexual chemistry is excellent, but it can create the illusion that you're creating intimacy, which is not necessarily the case. Real bonding comes from knowing what drives your partner, what they hope for, aspire to, and especially what they fear. It's being vulnerable and open to building trust. If you and your partner aren't getting to know each other, sex won't be enough to keep things interesting in the long run.
How do you know they're right for you if you don't know their values, philosophy on finances, how they feel about family, and so many other things? Avoid falling into the trap of thinking that your physical relationship indicates how your partnership will be. It's not.
You Started Dating Under Stress
What do you do when you're stressed? Scroll through Instagram. Talk to friends. Swipe mindlessly on Bumble?
If you started your relationship during a high-stress time, take a moment to ask yourself if this is offering you a needed distraction from the reality you're trying to avoid. That doesn't mean that your feelings for them aren't real. But, you are more likely to get swept up in that delicious cocktail of chemicals your brain uses to tell you this person is everything you need.
To determine if it's real or just a temporary fix for something in your life, pace yourself. If you're still into them when things calm down for you and you're in a happier place in other areas of your life, then maybe it really is love.
It's All Good—So Far
When you start dating someone, you are putting your best foot forward, but what are you like when things aren't going well? A sign of a lasting relationship is how well you handle challenging situations together. If you're thinking about your wedding before you've had your first fight, you could be setting yourself up for a BIG surprise later. More importantly, it's a serious sign that you're moving too fast.
Dating is all about the end game! If you want a long-term relationship, you need to set up sustainable boundaries that will help you and your partner create a balance.
