5 Steps to Heal After a Toxic Relationship
We've all had our fair share of relationships, and while some bring us joy and growth, others leave us scarred and depleted. Let’s be real, some of them aren’t even worth calling relationships because WTF was that?! Toxic relationships can be especially damaging, affecting our self-worth, emotional well-being, and overall happiness. If you've recently emerged from such a toxic bond–CONGRATULATIONS! You’ve just accomplished something that takes an average of seven attempts before you can leave a psycho toxic partner. Now the real work begins, because healing from these kinds of relationships takes more than a new haircut.
Step 1: Recognize and Acknowledge the Toxicity
Coming out of these relationships feels like a trance has been broken. There will be a lot of ruminating that happens because your brain is trying to make sense of everything that went down. You probably spend so much time making excuses for their bad behavior, but now you are recognizing just how bad it was. You may even be having phantom conversations saying all the things you wish you would have said in that moment.
Take it a step further and reflect on the patterns, behaviors, and dynamics that made it toxic. Did you constantly feel belittled, manipulated, or controlled? Recognizing the toxic elements is crucial to understanding that the fault does not lie with you. By acknowledging the toxicity, you can begin to let go of any self-blame and take ownership of your own healing.
Abusers make you feel like everything is your fault to avoid accountability. Everything they do is because of your behavior. According to them, your reaction to their bad behavior is a result of your way of thinking. In other words, nothing is ever or will ever be their fault.
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Step 2: Cut Off Contact and Establish Boundaries
To heal and create a safe space for your personal growth, you have to cut them off. Block their number, unfollow them on social media, and avoid places you used to frequent together. You must establish clear boundaries to protect yourself from further harm and surround yourself with people who respect and support your healing journey. This could mean that you’ll lose some people along the way, but that’s to be expected.
Toxic people try to manipulate you into breaking these boundaries by calling you childish, excusing you of never loving them, or even of cheating on them. *yawn*
They’re so predictable it’s boring.
Step 3: Seek Support and Professional Help
Talking to a therapist or coach can help you identify how the way you think is impacting how you select the people in your circle.
Healing from a toxic relationship is not a journey you have to face alone. Reach out to supportive friends, family members, or join support groups where you can share your experiences and receive empathy and guidance. Consider seeking professional help from therapists or counselors who specialize in relationship trauma. They can provide invaluable insights, tools, and coping strategies tailored to your specific needs.
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Step 4: Practice Self-Care and Self-Compassion
Self-care is paramount in your healing process after you’ve poured so much of yourself onto someone who did not reciprocate your effort. Take time to nurture your physical, emotional, and mental well-being. Engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation, such as taking walks in nature, practicing yoga, journaling, or indulging in a hobby you love. Prioritize self-compassion by being kind and forgiving to yourself. Release any guilt or self-blame, recognizing that you deserve love, respect, and healing.
Step 5: Reflect, Learn, and Grow
While healing from a toxic relationship can be challenging, it also presents an opportunity for self-reflection and growth. Take time to reflect on the lessons learned and the red flags you might have missed. What values and boundaries will you establish moving forward? Embrace the growth that comes from the healing process, as it will empower you to create healthier relationships in the future.
Healing from these types of relationships requires you to be courageous and face the way you think about yourself and others. You have to be willing to risk losing people as you set healthy boundaries that protect you and align with treating yourself how you want others to treat you. Remember, you are not defined by your past experiences, but rather by the strength and resilience you exhibit as you heal and create a life you want to brag about.
