Healthy Habits for a Happy Relationship: Tips for Latinx Couples
Growing up latina isn’t easy–doing it in the U.S. is even more confusing. We’re navigating a unique set of cultural experiences and expectations that spills into our romantic relationships. From the influence of our families to societal pressures, balancing both feels like putting whipped cream on an empanada–it’s unnatural.
These relationship habits can help Latinx couples thrive as they blend their beliefs and needs to create a successful relationship.
Tackle Machismo
Machismo refers to the belief that men, by nature, are superior to women. Some of this is blatant, “el hombre manda”, but there are subtleties that reinforce preconceived notions of what men and women are best suited to do. Parents are more lenient with boys, allowing them more freedom to be with friends or date. Many even give their sons authority over their sisters. Girls on the other hand are groomed for domestic roles and marriage.
Unconscious machismo is a deeply ingrained cultural phenomenon in the Latin American community that can have a significant impact on romantic relationships. According to a study, 75% of Mexican men reported they are the head of the household, while women spent an average of 40 hours a week on domestic tasks. In a modern economy, where both partners will likely have to work, this dynamic is a recipe for disaster.
“Women aren’t seeking providers–they are looking for love, respect, and equity. ”
It's essential for couples to acknowledge and address these beliefs and behaviors to create healthy relationships by working together.
Education and awareness: Learning about machismo and how it affects individuals and relationships is the first step in dealing with unconscious machismo. Couples can attend workshops, read books, or watch documentaries to become more informed about the issue.
Challenging gender roles: Couples can challenge traditional gender roles by taking turns in household chores, child-rearing, and decision-making. This can help to break down the patriarchal structures that often reinforce machismo in relationships.
Empowerment: Both partners can encourage each other to pursue their individual goals and interests. By supporting each other's ambitions, they can create a relationship where both partners feel empowered and fulfilled.
Self-reflection: It is essential for each partner to engage in self-reflection and understand how their behaviors and attitudes may perpetuate machismo. This can involve questioning traditional beliefs and practices and challenging their own biases.
2. Communication is Key
It seems obvious, but it can never be overstated–the key to any successful relationship is communication. This is especially true for Latinx couples who often come from families where communication is indirect or your needs take a backseat for the good of the family. This means taking the time to actively listen to your partner, sharing your feelings and needs, and being open to compromise.
Practice active listening: Take turns listening to each other without interrupting. Use "I" statements to express how you feel instead of making assumptions about your partner's feelings.
Use humor: Don't be afraid to use humor to lighten the mood and diffuse any tension. It can also help to use humor to make light of a situation and show that you're not taking things too seriously. That said, read the room. There are times when joking around will only make things worse.
Take breaks: If you feel yourself getting overwhelmed or frustrated, take a break. Take a walk or do something you enjoy to give yourself time to cool off.
Use nonverbal cues: Sometimes words aren't enough. Use nonverbal cues like eye contact, touching, or facial expressions to show your partner that you're engaged and listening.
Avoid negative language: Avoid using negative language that can be hurtful or accusatory. Instead of saying "You always do this" try saying "I feel hurt when this happens."
Show empathy: Try to see things from your partner's perspective and validate their feelings. This can help you both feel heard and understood.
Use active verbs: Use active verbs to convey your message clearly and assertively. For example, instead of saying "I don't like it when you do that," say "I would prefer it if you did this instead."
Be patient: Communication takes practice and patience. Don't expect to have perfect communication right away. Be patient with yourself and your partner as you work to improve your communication skills.
3. Maintain Individuality
While it’s important to prioritize your relationship, it’s equally essential to maintain your own identity and interests. Latinx culture often emphasizes the importance of family and community, which can sometimes lead to codependent relationships. However, maintaining your individuality can help you and your partner grow and develop together. This can be as simple as pursuing your own hobbies or interests, or even taking time to yourself when needed.
Here are some strategies you can use to maintain your identity:
Be Yourself: Don’t hide or mold your opinions in order to appease your partner. A relationship where you have to present a version of yourself will never succeed. It’s not sustainable and you’ll never feel secure because they won’t know the real you.
Set boundaries: It is important for latinx couples to set boundaries and respect each other's personal space, hobbies, and interests. This allows both partners to maintain their individuality and avoid feeling suffocated or controlled.
Pursue individual hobbies and interests: Couples can maintain their individuality by pursuing their own hobbies and interests, even if their partner is not interested in the same things. This allows both partners to have their own personal time and space, and also gives them something to talk about with each other.
Practice self-care: Each partner in a latinx couple should prioritize their own self-care, whether that means going for a run, taking a bubble bath, or meditating. This allows each partner to maintain their individuality and feel their best, which ultimately benefits the relationship as a whole.
Be open to new experiences: While it is important for latinx couples to maintain their individuality, they should also be open to trying new experiences together. This allows them to learn more about each other and grow as a couple, while still maintaining their own unique identities.
Celebrate each other's achievements: It is important to celebrate each other's achievements and accomplishments, even if they are not directly related to the relationship. This allows both partners to feel valued and appreciated as individuals, which ultimately strengthens the relationship as a whole.
Have regular check-ins: All couples should have regular check-ins to make sure that they are both feeling heard, respected, and appreciated. This allows both partners to express any concerns or issues that they may be having, and ensures that they are both on the same page when it comes to maintaining their individuality within the relationship.
4. Celebrate Cultural Differences
As Latinx individuals, we come from a rich and diverse cultural background. Our cultural differences can enrich our relationships and create unique opportunities for learning and growth. Celebrate and embrace these differences, whether it’s by sharing traditional dishes, learning new dances, or attending cultural events together.
5. Support Professional Goals
In any relationship, supporting your partner's professional growth is essential to achieving a healthy and fulfilling life together. This is especially important for Latinx couples, who often face unique challenges and barriers in the workforce.
According to a study of Latinos in film, only 4.5% of all speaking characters were Latino despite being the largest ethnic group in the U.S. and making up 49% of the population in Los Angeles. Latinx representation in the media and entertainment industry is still severely lacking. This means that Latinx individuals may have a harder time breaking into these industries, and therefore, it is even more important for their partners to support their professional growth and career aspirations. We all know that this lack of diversity doesn’t stop in Hollywood.
Furthermore, a report by the Pew Research Center found that Latinx individuals are less likely than other groups to have access to professional networks that can help them advance in their careers. This is due in part to the fact that Latinx individuals often come from immigrant families and may not have the same connections as those who have been in the United States for generations.
Given these challenges, it is crucial for Latinx couples to support each other's professional growth. This can mean encouraging your partner to pursue their dreams, helping them make connections in their industry, or even just providing emotional support as they navigate the ups and downs of their career.
But supporting your partner's professional growth doesn't just benefit them - it can also benefit your relationship as a whole. A study by the Harvard Business Review found that couples who support each other's career growth experience higher levels of marital satisfaction and are less likely to experience conflicts at home.
6. Make Time for Romance
In the hustle and bustle of everyday life, it’s easy to forget to make time for romance. However, taking the time to prioritize your relationship and connect with your partner is essential for a happy and healthy relationship. This can be as simple as planning a date night or taking a weekend getaway.
7. Seek Professional Help When Needed
Sometimes, despite our best efforts, our relationships may experience challenges. Whether it’s communication issues or deeper relationship problems, seeking professional help can be a valuable tool for couples. Therapy or counseling can provide a safe and neutral space for couples to work through their issues and develop healthy communication skills.
Incorporating these habits into your relationship can help you and your partner build a strong and healthy foundation. Remember, relationships require effort and commitment, but the rewards of a happy and fulfilling partnership are well worth it.
